A Year on Twitter

If your first year on Twitter was condensed into one week, it might go something like this:

Spend two hours thinking up a witty user name only to find out it’s already taken.

Settle with @wobblytits, something you will later regret.

Follow @stephenfry

Add every celebrity you see on the TV and stare at your monitor desperately trying to come up with something interesting to say.

Tweet “I’m having an egg sandwich”.

Sit back satisfied.

Realise Twitter is better if you follow real people so add everyone Twitter recommends.

Miss most of Dancing on Ice because you’re too busy tweeting about it.

You haven’t eaten for two days and you’re wearing the same clothes you were yesterday.

Get over excited when people start following you. One of them is topless but is a ‘social media expert’.

You follow them back.

Download the mobile app.

Your visits to the toilet increase as you hide in there tweeting because it’s starting to piss off your husband.

Go out with the few ‘real’ friends you have.

Spend most of the night checking your timeline and showing your friends the hilarious tweets.

Your friends respond with “Is that funny then?”

Sign up to The Social List, Klout, Twitter Grader and SocialBro and obsessively check your on-line influence. @TweetSmarter is your new bible.

You are unfollowed for the first time.

Buy a bottle of wine to numb the pain.

You are retweeted for the first time.

Buy a bottle of wine to celebrate and drunkenly tweet until 3 a.m.

Regret your tweets of Saturday night and desperately try to delete them.

Dinner is ruined because you were kicking ass in a hashtag game.

Your husband left you on Thursday and you haven’t noticed yet.

Comments ( 13 )

  1. ReplyKatGotTheCream

    Love this!!! My timeline would certainly be much duller without you.

  2. ReplyLittle Muvva

    Thanks Kat! What a nice thing to say!

  3. Replydon otis

    That is killer. It works either way - my wife gives me that "are you Tweeting this AGAIN?" look when I complain about my waiter to the Twitterverse instead of the Manager. Geesh!

  4. ReplyLittle Muvva

    Don, I'm convinced Twitter will one day be cited in a divorce!

  5. Replysilkysoul

    ...and the divorce proceedings will be "live" tweeted until the judge bans social media in his courtroom.

  6. ReplyLittle Muvva

    silkysoul - oh absolutely!

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  8. ReplyFran

    This is brilliant! Found you through Love All Blogs... and I'll be returning!

    • Replyadmin

      Thanks Fran, see you on the Twitter!

  9. ReplyCityGirlAtHeart

    Found your on LAB too! What a great way to resurrect a Fab post. Sums up my twitter life in the last 6 months!

    • Replyadmin

      Love all blogs is great for that, isn't it? Thanks for reading! :o) Sandi

  10. Replyfivegoblogging

    You've been spying on me haven't you? *peers into computer screen*

    • Replyadmin

      Ha ha! Yes I am *peers back*

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