Monthly archives "October 2011"

Putting the ‘Pump’ into Pumpkin

When it comes to festive occasions I’m a serial‘joiner-inner’. If it’s a fancy dress party I’m all over it; I’ll happily trawl the woods for cones and fir to make decorations at Christmas and if you’re not still up at 12am on New Year’s Eve you are dead to me.
So, it’s Halloween and time to carve the pumpkin which willsignal to children dressed in black bin bags and skeleton masks that this household is ‘trick or treat friendly’.
I began the task with enthusiasm, attacking my ‘medium’pumpkin with my sharpest knife, deciding to adopt the freehand approach. Nodownloaded templates for me, no sir! The trouble is I’m not very good at‘creative’. My snowmen are usually a half-arsed disfigured affair incorporatingdog poo, I’ve never successfully iced a Christmas cake and I can’t colour within the lines.
Ten minutes later I delegated the job to Jeff. I mean, have you ever tried to cut into a pumpkin? Those things just don’t want to be eaten and they sure as hell don’t want to be carved into ghoulish proportions and have a tea light stuck into their insides only to be left languishing on a lonely window sill.


Jeff spent half an hour on his creation with me shouting helpful tips from the kitchen and him replying ‘why don’t you bloody do it then?’
He presented me with his finished sculpture declaring it‘crap’ and I praised his efforts as if he was a seven year old boy who’d done a‘really good job’.
What a smashing pumpkin!
Satisfied with our spooky offering, it was laid to rest on aforementioned window sill for all the young ghouls and witches to see. Sitting next to it was a bowl full of treats so they could be in no doubt that this was a house that joins in.
Then @keileybobs posted on Twitter ‘This years’ pumpkin’.‘Oh, another joiner-inner’ I thought ‘I wonder if she’s gone for a triangle nose or two dots like us..’ so I clicked the link and was greeted with a carving which wouldn’t be out of place in the National Gallery.
@keileybobs far superior creation
Ah well, practice makes perfect I guess. Now, time to research some ideas for this years’ Christmas cake…..

Eau de Free

I have purchased one of those air fresheners which automatically spray the scent of happiness, wonderment and calm into your room. It claims not only to deodorise regularly, but will actually spray if it detects odours in the room due to its special sensor.
Anyway, it was half price so I bought it.
The Tesco’s delivery arrived and I rushed straight to the bag which had been thoughtfully packed to combine the air freshener, washing liquid, carrots, onions and hot dog rolls.
I ripped open the pack and was delighted to find that ‘batteries were included’! This meant my home could be odour free within minutes!
Ignoring the instructions, I assembled the wonder item and pushed the controller to maximum. It even had a flashing light! After fifteen seconds it sprayed the aroma of a winters evening into my face (should have read the instructions) and I had to agree it was as if Christmas had already arrived.
I was slightly concerned that the combination of Gypsy (the still-not-housetrained-puppy) and Jeff (homo gasiosos) would surely mean it would be on constant spray twenty four hours a day.
I needn’t have worried; it hasn’t been spraying continuously despite the myriad of odours which currently fill my sitting room rendering it off-limits to visitors.
In fact, I am beginning to doubt its ‘automatic odour detector’. So much so that I actually made Jeff fart right at the sensor last night and nothing happened. Not so much as a teeny spray. It didn’t even look away in disgust.