Didn’t think I’d get to use this picture again
Monthly archives "May 2011"
So, I noticed increasing mentions of ‘Rapture’ on Twitter and wondered why there was a sudden surge of interest in Blondie’s 1981 hit after all these years. (Anyone over 40 could be forgiven for making that mistake). After extensive (ahem) research I’ve discovered it’s so much more than an average song containing probably the worst rap section ever known to mankind. No need to Google any further, here are the facts….
Apparently, some guy called Harold Camping has used the left hand side of his unbiased Christian brain together with the Holy Bible to calculate that tomorrow (21st May 2011) is judgement day. The calculations are complicated but are to do with Noah, taking 2011 and deducting 1, adding the name of your first pet to your mothers maiden name and dividing it by your age in dog years; or something like that.
However, it’s not the end of the world tomorrow. There will be many earthquakes, during which time believers such as Cliff Richard, Jonathan Edwards and Alice Cooper will get to meet Jesus who will accompany them on their final journey to paradise. Would you want to be at that party?
After that me and the other non-believers are stuck in a period of tribulation (five months apparently) where terrible things will happen. I can’t find out exactly what they are and, if they’re invented by Christians, it could just involve smoking, drinking and having sex with people you’re not married to. Not so bad then.
Finally, on October 21st 2011, God will destroy all creation. Again, I’m not clear whether the 5 month period in between is like a ‘last chance to join Cliff’ event or you just hang around waiting for the end (like a Cliff concert – wait, is that the tribulation?).
Perhaps I should mention that, due to a mathematical error, good old Harold incorrectly predicted that the same event would occur back in 1994. Obviously, he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.
I don’t believe in God, but I’m not an atheist; I don’t agree with the use of the word as it’s just another way of naming people and to me that’s the same as putting me into a religious group.
If you’re a believer, enjoy today as if it were your last. If you’re having a ‘Rapture Party’, let me know Monday how it went.
Photo: Megan Harris-Smith
It’s all been very tense in the Smith household this week as Meg has been taking her photography A Level exam. We never experienced the ‘terrible twos’ or ‘stroppy teenager’ phases as she grew up and she seemed to breeze through her GCSE’s two years ago without a murmur. But we now seem to be in the middle of ‘Evil Stressed A Level Student’.
(Photo Nutdanai Apikhomboonwaroot
The weekend started well. I settled down (alone) to enjoy the ‘Wedding of the Year’ in full HD glory. I’m not a royalist, but I love a good wedding – and I wasn’t disappointed. I opted for the ITV coverage as it’s aimed at people with a lower attention span than the BBC. Plus it had the silver fox, Phillip Schofield presenting as he’d not been on TV for almost 24 hours and needed the exposure.
Turns out those sneaky peeps at ITV were beaming out idiot-waves; as Bill and Harry left Clarence House looking immaculate in their war outfits I actually came over all emotional. The crowds screamed and cheered and everyone (including Groom) looked deliriously happy.
I have no fashion sense so the fact that I thought the dress was perfect won’t excite Kate when she reads this. Personally, I’d have chosen an ugly fat friend as my bridesmaid (come on, we all have one. And if you can’t think of one, it’s you – as Jo Caulfield once said-ish).
I did my on-line Tesco’s shopping during the ‘boring bit’ and finished with my own wedding buffet – sausage rolls, chicken nibbles and mini eggs. Very Royal.
It was a lovely day in the end, oh and I must mention Jon Press who I met in the pub. He was staying in the village for a couple of days during his walk from Lands End to John O’Groats raising money for Action for Children and Durrell Wildlife Conservation Trust. I think he was a bit bemused, do you think he looks bemused?